An Atheist's Anathema

In loving memory of my baby brother, Jacob Michael Braasch (01/28/86 – 02/02/10)

I see you.  I hear you.  I know you.  You cannot hide from me.  I know your thoughts.  I know what you have done.  And, I know that you know that I know. 

And, I condemn you.  I do not forgive you.  I do not absolve you. 

And, I know that you want me to.  I know that you need me to.  But, I don’t, and I won’t.

My existence and my hatred and my rage and my condemnation torment you.  Because, you cannot pretend.  I won’t allow you to pretend.  I won’t allow you to live in a fantasy world of make-believe and no culpability.  Because, you are culpable.  And, you will be punished.  And, I will punish you. 

I am the only one who can grant you absolution.  I am the only one who can forgive you.  I am the only one who can release you from your guilt.

There is no one else.  There is no one else to save you.  There is no God to forgive you.  No amount of penance or prayer will save you from your conscience.  There is no afterlife.  No heaven nor hell; no purgatory nor limbo.

There is only me.  Judgment Day is now.  I am your personal Jesus Christ, your Messiah, your Savior, your Redeemer.  And, I reject you.  I deny you.  I will not wash clean your sins.  I do not exonerate you.  I am a wrathful, vindictive Old Testament God. 

You will call for me.  Before the end.  You will call for me, beg for me on your deathbed.  But, I will not come.  Call for a priest.  You’ll get no last rites from me. 

I am the only one who can pardon you.  There is no one else.  And, I deny you that peace.  I deny you that respite from your guilt.  I deny you.

It gives me pleasure to imagine you coiled up into the fetal position, in apoplectic agonies of shame, stricken with guilt, tortured by your memories. 

I want you to know, in the midst of your death throes, as you inhale and exhale your final breath, that I do not forgive you.  I want you to know that I will spit on your grave.  

I Left My Heart at the Santa Monica Pier

I will always love you, Jacob.

You will spend eternity somewhere gorgeous.

A place where you and Rachel and I visited many years ago.

I like thinking of you hanging out there.

Wait for me.

Jacob Michael Braasch (01/28/86 - 02/02/10)

Melancholia

I spent most of today thinking of my baby brother, Jacob.

I miss you so much.  I'm so sorry.  

Every time I embark on a new adventure I think about how much I would have loved sharing this with you.

You are always in my thoughts.

Always.  

I just want to make you proud.

I will always love you, Jacob.

My baby brother.  

My heart.

Jacob Michael Braasch (01/28/86 - 02/02/10)

Obama Working to Advance Religion in Cuba

In the latest Freethought Today, published by the Freedom From Religion Foundation:

Obama's Cuba travel regulations appear to create a crusading army of religious missionaries to descend upon Cuba to proselytize and evangelize the Cuban people as part and parcel with US foreign policy in an effort to undermine the Cuban government and alienate the Cuban government from the Cuban people.

This is a project I worked on with FFRF.

Read the article here:

http://www.ffrf.org/publications/freethought-today/articles/ffrf-cuba-policy-benefits-religion/

I Left My Heart at the Grand Canyon

Jacob will forever be a part of one of the most beautiful places on earth.

I will always love you, Jacob.

Jacob Michael Braasch (01/28/86 - 02/02/10)

No Complaining

If you're ok with the autocratic, extrajudicial assassination of individuals based upon moral outrage, that's fine.

But, then don't complain when they come for you.

My Precious

I carry my grief around like a small, precious object of great value.

I see it as an expression of love for my deceased baby brother.

It grows more dear to me as time removes me from the immediacy of his suicide.

I know that this probably isn't the healthiest of attitudes.

But, I'm just not ready to let it go.

I feel like I failed him in life, and I am determined not to fail him in death.

I will always love you, Jacob.

Jacob Michael Braasch (01/28/86 - 02/02/10)

The Whole Wide World

The only thing I want in the whole wide world, I can't have.

Just to spend 5 more minutes with you, kid, Jacob, my beloved baby bro.

Just to tell you how much I love you.

For that I would gladly give my life.

I will always love you, Jacob.

Jacob Michael Braasch (01/28/86 - 02/02/10)

California Dreamin'

I'm leaving soon for California.

I am going to go make a new life for myself.

But, I'm bringing Jakie with me.

I can't wait.

And, I won't be back.

Ever.

At least not until after my parents are dead.

I'm going to swing by the Grand Canyon to scatter Jakie's ashes.

And, I'm taking him to LA, a place where he's been before.

I'm going to scatter his ashes in the ocean, off of the Santa Monica pier.

I'm going to bury him amongst the Redwoods, in northern California.

He'll be with me in Berkeley, and San Francisco.

My heart is still broken.

It will always be broken.

And, I don't want to heal.

I don't ever want to recover from my beloved baby brother's death.

I'm glad I came home, to Minnesota and Wisconsin, to be with my siblings and to honor our baby brother, but it's time to leave.

The upper Midwest has become a place of hatred and rage and loss for me.  And, I'm glad to leave it behind.  I'm going to try to leave some of my hatred and rage behind with it.

But, I'm not leaving Jacob behind.

He's coming along for the ride.

We're going to take this next adventure together.

I will always love you, Jacob.

Jacob Michael Braasch (01/28/86 - 02/02/10)

Oxymoronic

The definition of an oxymoron:  religious feminist.

The best thing a woman can do to attain her own rights, as well as those of her sisters across the globe, is to denounce and reject religion.

Good News!!

According to WI law, Prosser cannot simply request a recount just because the race was extremely close.

He has to have a good faith reason to think that someone made a mistake in counting the ballots.

So, a little more good news.

Yeah, baby!!

Lesson of the Day

Kloppenburg won the WI State Supreme Court race by 204 votes!!!

(I know that there will most likely be a recount.)

But, that's no reason not to celebrate.

Lesson of the Day:

If you are an elected public official who calls women bitches (and blames those bitches for having forced you to call them bitches and doesn't apologize for having done so and claims to be perfectly justified in calling bitches bitches), then . . .

YOU WILL BE VOTED OUT OF OFFICE BY THOSE BITCHES!!!

Please take note, all current and future elected public officials.

Thanks.

1 Precinct Left; Kloppenburg Leads by 235 votes!!!

There is one precinct left; Kloppenburg leads by 235 votes!!!

It appears to be a precinct that will favor Prosser, but Kloppenburg will take some of the votes, and it doesn't look like there are enough votes for Prosser to overtake Kloppenburg.

There will probably be a recount either way, but it would be amazing for Kloppenburg to take this.

It's a good thing this bitch voted yesterday.

A Vote for Kloppenburg is a Vote for Women's Rights!!!