California Dreamin'

I'm leaving soon for California.

I am going to go make a new life for myself.

But, I'm bringing Jakie with me.

I can't wait.

And, I won't be back.

Ever.

At least not until after my parents are dead.

I'm going to swing by the Grand Canyon to scatter Jakie's ashes.

And, I'm taking him to LA, a place where he's been before.

I'm going to scatter his ashes in the ocean, off of the Santa Monica pier.

I'm going to bury him amongst the Redwoods, in northern California.

He'll be with me in Berkeley, and San Francisco.

My heart is still broken.

It will always be broken.

And, I don't want to heal.

I don't ever want to recover from my beloved baby brother's death.

I'm glad I came home, to Minnesota and Wisconsin, to be with my siblings and to honor our baby brother, but it's time to leave.

The upper Midwest has become a place of hatred and rage and loss for me.  And, I'm glad to leave it behind.  I'm going to try to leave some of my hatred and rage behind with it.

But, I'm not leaving Jacob behind.

He's coming along for the ride.

We're going to take this next adventure together.

I will always love you, Jacob.

Jacob Michael Braasch (01/28/86 - 02/02/10)